I cannot believe it’s been a year between blog posts. But if I’m honest with myself, last year and the time since I lost my beloved husband Jorgie has passed in a complete blur. I have very little memories of the time other than a pervasive time of sadness.
I’m a huge Downton Abbey fan and watching it this season has allowed me to recognize many of my grief behaviors through the show’s characters, especially Mary who lost her dear husband Matthew and Matthew’s mother Isobel Crawley. The writer has done an amazing job of tapping into grief and showing what it is to lose someone you love so deeply.
I was especially taken by the line that was something like, “With great love there comes great misery for the one left behind.” So very true. I haven’t just been sad in my grief. I’ve been miserable.
But I was lucky to have been married to my Jorgie and to have shared so many wonderful times together and to be loved as so few people are in this life.
I have spent a lot of time knitting this past year. I completed the most intricate shawl I think i’ve even made. It’s Zinfandel by Anne Hanson. Here’s a picture of it.
In December I adopted a kitten from a rescue organization. He’s an absolute love. His name is Sam and he’s a black kitten with a bit of tabby stripes and hairy ears. I’m still not sure who adopted whom.
I’m hopeful that Sam can brighten my life and I can brighten his. He sure has livened mine up.
I’ve been doing some plotting on book 3 in my River City Mystery series. When Jorgie died I was in the process of editing the second book to add humor. I’m still struggling with this and not ready to attack the rest of the edits. So I’m trying to have some fun with just the joy of writing again. The creative process. And hopefully book 3, “Your Lights Are Out” will allow me to regain the joy in something I love to do.
I’m still seeing a grief therapist and I do not know how I would have made it through these months without her wisdom. She tells me that grief work is hard work. I’ve learned that she is spot on.
And one last thing – the Mary Crawley character on Downton Abbey says that her Matthew fills her mind and she is not ready to let him go. I think that pretty well sums up how I feel about my Jorgie. The business of living without him is indeed difficult. But I am forging ahead.
I wish each of you peace and happiness.